Imitations

I really admire and am drawn to authenticity, yet even as I write those words I feel a sense of inditement on myself. Like the apostle Paul, am I really the man I want to be or am I merely more the man I'm trying not to be? Paul shares his struggle with the authentic self in Romans 7, I share mine here.

If find authenticity is a rather illusive thing. For years I've given much effort at being what some would term a "transparent" individual. I've tried to live a "no hold barred" approach to being honest about who I am with other people. In most relationships that has proven to be helpful, but perhaps not in all. Sometimes people have difficulty with brutal honesty because it requires as much on the receiving end as it does on the part of the teller. There is a significant level of investment required on the part of any two parties willing to go deep and that makes me wonder what the limits of human "honesty" really are. Can we ever be truly honest with another person? Letting them see not only the "facts" of our reality, but also the "motive." That is exceedingly difficult. Quite frankly, as much as I'd like to think I'm good at it, I'm not! Don't know that I ever will be.

This brings me to the deepest of all relationships I've found -- namely the one with God the Father through Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. Who else or what else should I desire than Him? As Creator (and I as created), there is no more intimate and revealing relationship available to me or to the rest of humanity. And perhaps this is why the pursuit of Him is illusive and, honestly, difficult at times .

He already knows the real me. Not the "imitation" me or the me I want to be. God is able to discern between the me I want to be and the me I really am. He knows my name. He knows my every thought. He knows my motive even when I don't. Relationship with Him takes intimacy to far deeper levels that I can pursue elsewhere.

Here is what is amazing for me... He knows all that stuff and He still pursues me. He is a Great Pursuer... and part of what makes Him so good at the pursuit is that He waits for my lead. He holds out on me a little bit, waiting to see how badly, how desperately, how intimately I'm willing to acknowledge His awareness of me. God can afford me the most amazing relationship of all... but He lets me come to Him first. James 4:8 mentions this reality.

So, why do I keep relating to God as if He were one of my earthly relationships? Why do I dance around Him and tend to only want to offer up in conversations the things that I don't think are all that "bad" and make myself look "acceptable" in His presence? That's really a bit silly, isn't it?

Henri Nouwen once asked of himself why God wasn't his only relationship? I'm finding that is a really good question! That would not imply we forsake all earthly relationships, but shouldn't all our earthly relationships ultimately begin and end in our relationship with the Divine? Perhaps we would be truly more "authentic" if such were the case.

The deeper my relationship becomes with Creator, perhaps the more meaningful my relationship with others will become. I will be less concerned with "acceptable authenticity" and simply be more of the man God the Father loves, Jesus saves and the Holy Spirit counsels.

Lord, please lead me to a deeper friendship with you so that I, in turn, may be a better friend to others.