Between Want and Need

Where is the line between "want" and "need?" It is a curious question to be sure.

Abraham Maslow effectively took a step toward the question when he developed his somewhat famous Hierarchy of Need. Maslow, a "humanist psychologist," principally believed in the potential of the human individual. He proposed that all human beings have ever-increasing opportunity to reach fuller potential within their being. Humanists seek the potential of being a "fully functioning" individual or as Maslow described it, a "self-actualized" person.

Often visually presented in the form of a pyramid or triangle, the most basic human needs represent the bottom level of the pyramid and these needs then graduate toward the top until the highest extent of the needs are fulfilled.

The most primitive of Maslow's needs are "physiological needs." These are biological needs consisting of oxygen, food, water and a relatively constant body temperature. These are the fundamental physical needs for sustaining life itself. These would come as first priority in a person's level of satisfaction. As someone who greatly dislikes being cold, I get this concept!

The next level involves "safety needs." When basic physiological needs are fulfilled and no longer control active thought or behavior, the needs for security are engaged. Adults have little awareness of their security needs until times of emergency or periods of extended distress or danger. Children on the other hand frequently display this need for security. That's why it is sometimes difficult to rid a child from their "blankie" or their "binky." Feelings of security are important.

With the physiological and safety needs fulfilled, an individual next seeks love, affection and belonging. Maslow suggested people will find some means to overcome feelings of loneliness and alienation. This involves both the giving and receiving of love and finding and/or providing a sense of belonging. This is why few people do well in extended isolation. We are creatures who are created in community (God in creation as Father, Son and Holy Spirit) and are meant for community.

Following the fulfillment of the first three, the need for esteem becomes prominent. Both self-esteem and affirmation from others helps establish self-respect and a personal sense of value. When these needs are not appropriately met, an individual may exhibit inferiority, weakness, worthlessness, helplessness or various other forms of dysfunction.

Finally, when all the foregoing needs are met, according to Maslow the needs for "self-actualization" are empowered. Maslow described "self-actualization" as a person's need to "be" and to "do" what they were created to be and do. A dancer "must" dance, a writer "must" write, or a musician "must" play. Without that opportunity, the individual becomes agitated or restless. They will sense something is lacking in their life. God creates all people "in His image" (Gen. 1:27) and gives them purpose, function and meaning. How we respond to that created "being" is displayed by the things we "do."

According to this theory, if something in the first four levels is "missing" in life, it can be relatively easy to determine what the "need" is. If someone is hungry, there are physical symptoms declaring the hunger (hmmm... my stomach just growled reminding me I skipped dinner earlier tonight). If someone is in danger, the mind and body will react accordingly ("fight" or "flight"). If someone is denied affirmation or blessings, it will appear in their general disposition or attitude. But things get much more difficult to define in the "self-actualized" needs.

Whether we adhere to Maslow's "Hierarchy of Need" theory or not, one thing stands to reason and Truth... in order to truly "be" who we are meant to be by God's design, we must be "authentic" about who we are.

A rich young man once came to Jesus declaring he was basically "self-actualized" (though, of course, Maslow hadn't quite yet arrived on the scene) according to the way he lived by the Law (see Mark 10:17-27). Jesus agreed that he was doing well with the whole human "doing" thing... but when Jesus told the rich young man to sell "everything" and give it to the poor and follow Him... the guy couldn't do it. Jesus words struck at the very heart of the guy's authenticity. The young man's "being" didn't match up to his "doing." The guy left Jesus a very "sad" and "rich" young man.

On the other hand, there was a very poor widow woman who came into the temple courts and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a fraction of a penny. Calling His followers close to Him, Jesus said the widow had "put more into the treasury than all the other" people because she gave all she had to live on (Mark. 12:41-44). There was a woman who's "doing" match up with her "being" quite well.

Sometimes the line between "need" and "want" is quite thin. Even in our earthly relationships, we sometimes have difficulty finding the difference. A child really "needs" the attention of her parent and finds she isn't getting much of it. She will declare what she "wants" to ease the loss or attention or she'll act out negatively to find the attention she needs even though the bad behavior it isn't really what she wants.

A spouse really "needs" reassurance in their marriage that their spouse is wholly devoted to them, but they are only seem comfortable leaving hints at what they "want out of this relationship" rather than sitting down and confidently sharing what both really "need" from one another.

Yes, the line between "want" and "need" is sometimes thin indeed.

Perhaps the best way of finding our ourselves between our wants and our needs is to start with simply being purely authentic people. Maybe instead of hoping people will find out what we want, we need to be "authentic" enough with one another to simply confess what we "need." If you're cold, ask for a blanket. If you are scared, ask a good person for a hug. If you feel "left out" of everything, discover the company of a trusted person, and instead of waiting for them to read your mind, maybe you should simply invite them over to spend some time together.

If you are feeling lousy about yourself, ask someone you respect to remind you of how much God loves you and what a beautiful person you are because He made you just as He designed you. And if you are struggling with who God created you to be, talk with Him about it. When we come to God honestly and authentically, we discover amazing things about Him and about ourselves as well.

Do you want to comment? If so, I need to hear from you if you are willing to share.