At the moment of this writing, I'm finding myself too full to go to bed. Dining earlier this evening with friends at a locally popular Brazilian Steak House (one of those Churrascaria restaurants) caused a realization that if more of the "seven deadly sins" were immediately painful, we as human beings might be less inclined to pursue them.
If you've not had the occasion to dine at one of these fine establishments, the basic principle is to indulge. Your evening begins with an explanation from your waiter that you are here for gastronomic pleasure. "Please do not be in a hurry this evening," he began. "Tonight you are here to enjoy our fine food as you are our guests. If your meal takes three hours, that is how long it takes. It is to be expected," he continues.
Did you know that an adult human being is much like any common mammal? If there is food available, we will likely continue eating until we make ourselves sick! And so we did...
First it was the amazing salad bar. More choices than any human ought to have to make. A lobster bisque that would knock your socks off and fried provolone cheese that tastes more like candy than cheese. After TWO trips to the salad bar... then we flipped over our little "red light, green light" coaster/"bring on the meat" indicators and the gaucho waiters inundated us with every possible iteration of beef, pork, lamb, chicken, sausage and MORE beef... it just keeps coming and coming and coming... "O forgive me... and yes, I'll have more fillet please!" I didn't know "crack cocaine" was now available in medium rare!
When you've finally hit your limit (I "pulled over" and coasted on "red" for a while and then gave another good run at two more plates of meat) then all those at the table slowly grind (pardon the chewing pun) to a halt. Another waiter comes and scrapes all the fallen scraps from the table (if you haven't picked them off the table cloth by the time they arrive). It is simply amazing any of us can speak, let alone belt out a few good laughs. Of course, the humor runs around the theme of movies featuring gluttony and explosive consumption.
And then the moment of truth arrives. Almost as if there is one last opportunity at some sense of redemption. Just when the thought crosses your mind that, "we're done".. out comes the dessert tray. "Ah... wouldn't a nice light piece of Key Lime pie be good?" we query hoping for even the slightest affirmation from a fellow sinner... Consolation: At least for this course we shared!
After paying for this gruesome indulgence, we find ourselves barely able to walk to our cars. Not really wanting the night to end, it becomes someones brilliant idea (okay, I confess it might have been me) to stop by S'bucks for only a "tall" this time. When will the madness cease?!? If you're wondering... of course I ordered one. It's S'Bucks!
Now, I'm finding it is difficult to type these words... I believe my stomach has expanded even into the ends of my fingers. They do look heavier, plumper... like one of those tasty Brazilian sausages! Maybe it was the saltiness of the Sea Salt seasoned strip steak? Or maybe the bacon wrapped Fillet Mignon? It couldn't have been the Parmesan Chicken (I passed on that), maybe it was the pork tenderloin?
So now... though I loved the food and enjoy the friendships at the table even more... I'm physically miserable. It is later than I care to stay up tonight given my schedule in the morning, and I can't move out of this chair! Is anyone willing to forklift me into bed?
If gluttony is this painful, I think I'll have to pass on the next opportunity to sin!
Cheers!
If you've not had the occasion to dine at one of these fine establishments, the basic principle is to indulge. Your evening begins with an explanation from your waiter that you are here for gastronomic pleasure. "Please do not be in a hurry this evening," he began. "Tonight you are here to enjoy our fine food as you are our guests. If your meal takes three hours, that is how long it takes. It is to be expected," he continues.
Did you know that an adult human being is much like any common mammal? If there is food available, we will likely continue eating until we make ourselves sick! And so we did...
First it was the amazing salad bar. More choices than any human ought to have to make. A lobster bisque that would knock your socks off and fried provolone cheese that tastes more like candy than cheese. After TWO trips to the salad bar... then we flipped over our little "red light, green light" coaster/"bring on the meat" indicators and the gaucho waiters inundated us with every possible iteration of beef, pork, lamb, chicken, sausage and MORE beef... it just keeps coming and coming and coming... "O forgive me... and yes, I'll have more fillet please!" I didn't know "crack cocaine" was now available in medium rare!
When you've finally hit your limit (I "pulled over" and coasted on "red" for a while and then gave another good run at two more plates of meat) then all those at the table slowly grind (pardon the chewing pun) to a halt. Another waiter comes and scrapes all the fallen scraps from the table (if you haven't picked them off the table cloth by the time they arrive). It is simply amazing any of us can speak, let alone belt out a few good laughs. Of course, the humor runs around the theme of movies featuring gluttony and explosive consumption.
And then the moment of truth arrives. Almost as if there is one last opportunity at some sense of redemption. Just when the thought crosses your mind that, "we're done".. out comes the dessert tray. "Ah... wouldn't a nice light piece of Key Lime pie be good?" we query hoping for even the slightest affirmation from a fellow sinner... Consolation: At least for this course we shared!
After paying for this gruesome indulgence, we find ourselves barely able to walk to our cars. Not really wanting the night to end, it becomes someones brilliant idea (okay, I confess it might have been me) to stop by S'bucks for only a "tall" this time. When will the madness cease?!? If you're wondering... of course I ordered one. It's S'Bucks!
Now, I'm finding it is difficult to type these words... I believe my stomach has expanded even into the ends of my fingers. They do look heavier, plumper... like one of those tasty Brazilian sausages! Maybe it was the saltiness of the Sea Salt seasoned strip steak? Or maybe the bacon wrapped Fillet Mignon? It couldn't have been the Parmesan Chicken (I passed on that), maybe it was the pork tenderloin?
So now... though I loved the food and enjoy the friendships at the table even more... I'm physically miserable. It is later than I care to stay up tonight given my schedule in the morning, and I can't move out of this chair! Is anyone willing to forklift me into bed?
If gluttony is this painful, I think I'll have to pass on the next opportunity to sin!
Cheers!
1 comment:
Amidst all of the calorie-induced confusion of the evening, I'm glad you were able to follow the primary rule: Never eat chicken at a nice restaurant when steak is available.
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