Growing Up, Parents

It would be great if children came with some kind of instruction manual or handy thumb indexed reference guide. But they don’t. It would be great if as parents we could look into the future and get a glimpse of what life holds for us as parents and for our children. But we can’t (and that might be a really good thing). Because if, as parents, we had some accurate sense of how much we would feel for our offspring and how deeply we would care, worry, pray, hope, fear, long for, enjoy and hurt over them… we might never venture into the realm of parenting at all. Investing that much into another human being is necessarily a risky proposition… eventually, somebody’s gonna get hurt!

Raising children simply isn’t easy! Never has there been a venture in my life for which I’ve worked so hard and in the very moment of working so hard at it realized I’m “not doing it right!” Is there ever a “right way” to be a parent? The mere fact that the parent/child interchange involves two independent human beings makes the relational equation so variable, the odds against doing it “right” are enormous.

Maybe part of what makes it so difficult is because the final product of parenting is so delayed. It’s not like making a nice cake and eating it a few hours later. The proof is in the pudding, as the old saying goes. But in parenting, there is little immediate gratification. Oh sure, there is the first recognizable smile from an infant. A toddler’s first unsolicited “Thank you” or “I love you” melting the parent’s heart. There is the first non-parent funded Christmas gift from the part-time employed adolescent or the profoundly simple “I’ll miss you” from a college-bound child. These are relatively immediate returns on the investment of parenting.

Parents knock themselves out for so long but the ultimate “final verdict” on how well they have done remains out for a long, long time. The investment of countless hours, days, weeks, years (truly a 24-7-365-lifetime proposition) may never be fully realized. This alone makes parenting one of the riskiest propositions in the human condition. Do we ever really do it right?

Giving space for your kids to grow up isn’t easy either. Being a parent ultimately means being vulnerable. A good parent allows themselves room to get hurt. Even for those who have really great relationship with their kids (of which I consider myself blessed to be one), there must be accommodation made to get your feelings dinged. It is all part of the process of growing up.

Parents often forget how hard growing up is. This may partially be due to the fact that as parents, we are still growing up. But as a child, especially as a teen, finding your way in the world isn’t easy. Trial and error is the course of the day. Nights are filled with sleepless insecurity, concern and curiosity as we try to discover “who am I, anyway?” Every morning is met with a different view in the bathroom mirror because we are changing so quickly. And as parents, we wonder why our child might not give us the attention we so deeply long for and are sometimes denied. As parents, we need to keep growing as our children do as well.

I wonder if the heavenly Father has a similar issue with us. Does he “get hurt” when we don’t respond in the manner He desires? (Genesis 6 indicates He can be “grieved” by our choices). In a sense, God invests eternity in us and our “return on His investment” is sometimes a long time coming. One thing I’m trying to remember as a parent is that God keeps on loving, keeps on supporting, keeps on giving, keeps on waiting for us to simply love Him as best we can. If anyone is doing parenting right, He is!