Growing older affords human beings certain things, not the least of which is an increasing awareness and perspective on the value of life and its fleeting qualities. Maturity also affords us the vantage point of risk in human relationships.
"How close can I afford to be with another human being?"
That is a risky question. The risk immediately is located in the perspective of what we are willing to let others see in ourselves. The ugliness, the shame, the personal failure all amount to a risk of being rejected and scorned by those we engage. There is a certain amount of maturity and grizzle in growing older that allows those things to "not matter so much anymore."
We realize that to have an authentic relationship with another person, they have to see our ugliness in order to appreciate our beauty. For like the former larvae emerging from the cocoon as a radiant butterfly, so we too must be willing to share the pathway of transformation from ugliness to beauty.
In our youth, we only want others to see our beauty, not our ugliness. We posture and position, placing certain social safety nets around us. Madison Ave. sells the "never let them see you sweat" philosophy and we vigorously apply pleasantly perfumed social "anti-perspirants" to effectively avoid our true detection. And sadly, it effectively works to the very detriment of truly deep and meaningful relationship.
A secondary risk of relationship is when we successfully navigate the waters of ugliness and find we're still accepted, though rarely acceptable. Those that remain through the former risk are the true friends; the relationships we long to pursue. And pursue them we do, if we have the faith.
Faith is required because it is here we find a love like no other. People who choose not to love us because we're "beautiful," but because we are really "ugly." I believe this is the way God chooses to love us. There is something transformational about that kind of love... it transcends the pain of our ugliness and in that transcendence, everything becomes "beautiful"... to God, to others and eventually even to ourselves.
But herein lies the rub. What do we do when those relationships are gone? Hence the fleeting qualities of life and the awareness that our growing older brings. Life is but a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.
"How close can I afford to be with another human being?"
How can I afford to get close, only to inevitably watch them go away? Death has a sting. I just received a phone call a few minutes ago informing me that my former secretary and dear friend just lost her fight against cancer only an hour ago. A deeply meaningful friend of mine left a position of work that put him in my close proximity virtually every day just two weeks ago. Friends I invested countless hours and years of relationship with were left 1,100 miles behind when I moved to another state a few months ago.
"How close can I afford to be with another human being?"
When love hurts.
This is how close I am learning I must not only afford to be in my human relationships, but this is what I must be willing to pursue. If we consistently play "safe" in our relationships, whether to protect our illusive "beauty" or even to practically manage our "ugliness," we will never plumb the depths of real, authentic community and deeply meaningful relationship. We will find that we have never loved, for fear of ever really loving.
"How close can I afford to be with another human being?"
Close enough for when love hurts...
2 comments:
CG,
Enjoyed your post today.
Our current society states that we must have a certain 'appearance' to be considered one of the beautiful people in our culture. As you put it, we " vigorously apply pleasantly perfumed social "anti-perspirants" to effectively avoid our true detection."
Taken one step further, we often pursue and succumb to the marketing strategies of big business and Hollywood, who've set a worldly standard. We make-up and dress-up to feel like part of the in-group. Yet, while this may temporarily allow us to feel acceptable, underneath we know who we are without all the trappings. Herein lies the conflict. We can become an effective facade. This sets us up and does not allow us to be 'real' with those closest to us. How horribly sad! How many people, brothers and sisters, do you know who put on a 'church face' each week and smile, but are dying inside? If we cannot be real with one another from a physical beauty standpoint, then there is no way to be real with one another from an authentic relationship standpoint. If the above is true, we are simply too afraid to let others see the real person.
Fortunately, our Lord sees us as we truly are! If we truly have a relationship with Him, then we understand that while our ugliness is apparent, we are beautiful in His eyes.
Blessings to you and yours. : - )
I think that only when we allow people in close enough to see the real us, do we really get to experience Jesus with skin on. If we don't let people get close to us, how can we really feel God's love here on this earth in a physical way when we are hurting or even happy about things in our life. It's through sharing our lives intimately that we get to experience Jesus with skin on here on this earth.
By the way, we are enjoying your Wednesday night class. Thanks for sharing.
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