Closer Friendship

Friendship is precious, but is rarely appreciated for its potential. Many people in this world are blessed with close families and reap tremendous benefit from these relationships. A mitigating factor of these family relationships is the inherent lack of choice. A familial relationship is born of blood. It is a process of natural development. While it may be argued there certainly is choice in whether to deepen or magnify the relationship, there is still an inherent element of "blood being thicker than water."

What is fascinating about non-familial friendship is the root of choice. Friends make conscious choice (decision) to be together, to invest in one another, to stand in the gap for each other... to befriend. This is, at least for me, one of the most powerful aspects of being "friends."

All of my life, it could be said I had many acquaintances. Always finding myself in various roles of leadership, I have tended to find myself standing in the "middle of a crowd" rather than on the edge of it. But of all the many people I have known, I'm confident few, if any really, have known me the way a true friend would. It is important not to acquaint "companionship" with true "friendship." The difference is pronounced.

For the past 18 months or so I have been evaluating my ability to be "friend" and to "befriend." To speak frankly, I'm not terribly confident I've ever been much good at it -- being a friend., that is. I am painfully aware I have guarded fear and selfishness at the price of true intimacy. Battling a lifelong fear of rejection, I preserved pride and insecurities not only by limiting my willingness to be available to others, but also by allowing myself to take advantage of relationships in hurtful and painful ways. How can one be a true "friend" when one thinks of themselves before others? The really sad thing is that rebuilding friendships is a long and difficult task if not downright impossible.

When selfishness resides at the root of "friendship" the growth of that friendship will be forever limited and stunted. Even if thinly veiled, selfishness will restrict the eventual potential of any good friendship.

I regret the selfishness shadowing my past relationships and I am praying for the richness and valuable gift of friendships with less of the burden of my own selfishness.

"A man of many companions may come to ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."
Prov. 18:24