Pace

Arrogance to my previous understanding once meant only calling excessive attention to one's self. Self aggrandizing speech and behaviors were easy marks to see arrogance in myself and in others around me. Outright bragging, brazen attention mongering, excessive vocalizations, "bling" demonstrations and label consciousness were all living proof of arrogance running a muck in my life. Strangely enough, even dashes of false humility pulled aggressively at my flimsy disguise attempting to shield pride and selfish motive from a discerning eye all to no avail.

Humility is rarely well impersonated.

Something about growing older and either admitting freely (or having it forced upon you) that you're "not all that" anymore (or perhaps never were) is a sobering road to what we can hope is eventually true and honest humility. There was something about Jesus that was simply and naturally "humble." Though He would have every reason to call attention to Himself, He didn't. He directed attention to others, their needs, their desires and He served others to perfection (see Philippians 2:1-11).

In time, the sincere Christ-follower can't escape this quality in Jesus and begins leaving behind the trappings of earthly attention grabbing. Taking credit for the successes, stepping to the front of attention, sitting in the seat of honor, warming to the sound of one's own name (or voice) being favorably spoken all eventually lose their alluring charm in the presence of Jesus. It perhaps becomes a little easier to give up the choicest morsels of life for the sake of others, too, eventually in time. But there are always alluring ways true humility eludes us. One such way has recently surfaced in my own quest to be more like Jesus.

Currently my life is running at an incredible pace. If I chose to do so, I could literally work 23 hours a day and would still have something left to do at the end of each day! Many others with whom I currently serve are in similar positions. We are all busy and working hard, for a cause in which we firmly believe and hold dear, and there always seems to be more we could be doing. Herein lies the challenge to true humility.

Having run several weeks now with little time taken to lap up some good personal nourishment from God's word and having spent few moments (let alone hours) in the kind of prayer that truly listens more than it speaks, it dawned on me just how arrogant I have been behaving! Continuing to run at this pace, without quietly being in the presence of God makes a gross assumption of pride and arrogance!

Now, I've not necessarily resorted back to the old behaviors of calling attention to myself (though I do believe those temptations are never really very far away from my potential) but I have fallen into a cyclical trap of behaving as if I can actually thrive and serve well without spending quiet, reflective, restorative time at the feet of the One whom self-defined humility (that would be, Jesus).

Thinking (or behaving) as if we can do "anything" on our own as a Christ-follower... is arrogant.

In John 15:5, Jesus said His followers can't do anything (really worth anything) apart from Him. So what is it inside of me that would behave as if I could? Especially when I know better...I can only conclude it to be arrogance.

Though Jesus had every reason (and perhaps every opportunity) to rely upon self-sufficiency, He didn't. Mark's gospel records that "very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed" (1:35). The text also records that Simon and his companions came looking for Jesus and told Him, "Everyone is looking for you!" And Jesus took off in another direction... (1:36-37).

If "everyone were looking for me" (and I was sure they weren't all out to get me) I'd probably run toward them and be pleased my company was so requested! There is something destructively attractive about being "in the middle of it all," isn't there? Even Jesus didn't stay "in the middle of it all" all the time. He was very conscious of the pace of life.

I have about concluded that "pace" in life can be an addictive agent. We arrogant types become quite enamored with ringing cell phones, pinging calendar warnings and the sound of our excuses for why we were "a little late" to our 2:00 meeting. Pace is addictive (especially rapid pace apparently is) and when we succumb to it, we are taking ourselves much too seriously.

Every time I don't take time for God...I am arrogant.

I'm trying to gain a new grip on this latest expression of arrogance in my life. More recently, I've been trying to equate time in God's Word and time in serious "listening" prayer as important (if not more so) as breathe and food (because likely they are).

In recent years I've learn how to "pick up the pace" on my life and now I'm trying to "find the grace" of "being still and knowing..." (Psalm 46:10) ... I'm not "all that"... never was... never will be.

And you?